The 3% Rule
One of my favorite speakers and writers is the legendary Bryan Tracy. In his teaching The Psychology of Achievement, he made a comment that forever changed my life. He said that after coaching millions of people on nearly every continent that less than 3% of the population took full responsibility for where they are in life. That is a really shocking statement because reversing that number means that 97% of people do not.
I have to admit, from my decades of experience, he is exactly correct. People will blame anything and anyone for where they are in life. In broken relationships, few people ever ask what they could have done better or how they could improve. Today, everyone has a label from narcissist to toxic, it’s easy to look at everyone else as the source of the problem.
I have a term I developed called ‘inner honestly’. It’s simple – it means you can look in the mirror and honestly, without hesitation take ownership for your part in the problems you face. This is hard. I was in a broken marriage due to adultery on her part. I didn’t like this idea of inner honesty. But that is how I came to the terms. Someone told me there must be something I could have done better or improved and I just wanted to punch them. Hey, I’m being transparent. But as I thought about it, they were right. I had allowed toxic behavior for far too long, avoiding the conflict that needed to happen. It doesn’t make me responsible for her choices. Regret is the worst of human emotions because it accomplishes nothing productive. This isn’t about regret. It’s about reflection – then forgiving yourself and adjusting forward.
Most people are stuck in life, in relationships, in finances, in business because they refuse inner honesty. Blame the government, blame your spouse, blame the human race because it’s much easier than doing that painful step of saying ‘yeah I keep having partners leave me, and I am the common denominator here so what do I need to change’.
I’ve been burned in business several times. I’ve lost millions. It’s hurt my family, it’s hurt the people I love the most. It’s hurt me. But I take ownership for that. I was deceived, but I realize now there were red flags I ignored. There were things I could have done better. Today, no one is screwing me over. I don’t tolerate it. It goes back to my previous post on Your Greatest Asset. Relationships are crucial for me and it’s the #1 way I avoid getting hurt in business or personal life. I take responsibility to ensure that everyone around me is acting with respect. If not, and they refuse to adjust, then it’s out of my inner circle. Sorry, but I take responsibility.
What part of your story are you avoiding responsibility in? Where do you need to have some inner honesty? It’s tough, and it’s hard as hell. But this is the difference between boys and men, girls and women. Quit blaming everyone around you and do the hard thing. Take full ownership. Be a part of that 3% because I’m going to tell you that this 3% are the ones who are operating with unlimited potential.